somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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