big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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