You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
