I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
