Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
