when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
