Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You're like the curious george of whores
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
