went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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