Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
