the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
