Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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