Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
