I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
