is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize