all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
