i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
