I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
