her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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