Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
