Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
