ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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