He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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