WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
