paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
