Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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