I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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