i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
