I wish i was in the wii world.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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