I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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