i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
