..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
