I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
