so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
