My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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