Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
