i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wanna passion pit in your ass
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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