Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
