What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
