Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
