If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
