i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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