I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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