it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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