I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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