omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
