I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
