My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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