he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
