she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
