did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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