Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
