I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
