i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
