Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
