You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
