You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
