Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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