I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Randomize
