True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
