cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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