Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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