i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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