The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
