Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
