She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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