I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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