is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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