Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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