If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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