I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
