Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
