Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
