so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
