I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You're a waste of cheezeits
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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