I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
