I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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