I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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