My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
even my farts smell like vagina
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
