What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
