I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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