I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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